i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
