I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize