Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
