So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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