Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How external is "for external use only"?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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