everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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