haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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