If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.