what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time