i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
i will never coherently bang her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.