Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
