so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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