I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.