The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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