we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
