She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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