this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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