If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
