You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
