Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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