i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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