Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
