Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
