So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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