you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
