Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
