Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
