ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
