put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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