Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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