Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
