Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
