Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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