I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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