a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
