Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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