Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
