I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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