I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michael Bay diarrhea
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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