Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
