I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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