I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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