I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
