My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
