Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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