I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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