Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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