i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
