Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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