well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off