how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial