I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD