New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
