Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
