tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
