Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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