I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
