you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
