I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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