Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
