I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
