Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are the jesus of drinking
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
