i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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