I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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