He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
