Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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