i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
