so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
