apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
