I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
