I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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