last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
