Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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