They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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