The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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