I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
