I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
