Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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