yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
