What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
