Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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