When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
