omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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