Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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