I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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