I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you never un-have a 4some
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
