so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
