seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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