i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
