Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
