Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
