saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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